I have loved you too much and I didn't know it then, I assure you it didn't feel dangerous or risky or testy. It just felt incredibly good to have liked you and trusted you and so loved you. Even for the smallest moment, I didn't really think about reciprocation or the expectations or if love should be conditional or unconditional. Nothing specific but everything evident. It was pure and simple. There was so much to love and that was it.
I miss you now. The one and the many. It's not the yearning which bothers me. I am slowly making my peace with it. What troubles me is the thought of what I would do if you just came back to have a place in my life. If you came back with that smile and that look. I don't think I would even care to ask why. Just that thought; of having you back, in spite of everything arms wide open- that bothers me. But I wonder now, would I do it any other way? would I mind if it was clear that it would hurt? Would I mind the conditions of love? Would I even bother to think?
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