No resolutions this year. Weirdly no excitement. Just a day passed and numbers changed. For all the scepticism on the significance, a little more excitement could have helped :)
The realisation of dull resignation comes from weirdly symbolic things. As sunny as it is, it still seems cloudy. A second of sunshine and lifetime of storm. Depressing dramatisation to bring out all the lumped up emotions of spite, anger and hurt. The tired mind from thinking too much. Useless thinking of course but thinking nevertheless.
It seems simple though. The direction is unclear but the lost road is recognised. There were things for me that stood above all. Basics to be live by, which seem too far gone.
One I have forgotten how to, another clinging on weekly and the third slowly losing the remains.
People say actions make principles but sometimes if you slip up on the things you believe in, there is no other thing that could make you feel worse. The more I have refused to work on them, thinking they were more fundamental to me than anything else, the more they faded. To see that I'm ready to distribute my resentment on multiple angles is in itself discouraging. Its proof that I have become vile enough to distribute blame for everything that's wrong. Empathy has disappeared, so has the warmth and to be in my own company seems the trickiest of all.
We will see, we will find the direction. Till then, another day in another year.
The realisation of dull resignation comes from weirdly symbolic things. As sunny as it is, it still seems cloudy. A second of sunshine and lifetime of storm. Depressing dramatisation to bring out all the lumped up emotions of spite, anger and hurt. The tired mind from thinking too much. Useless thinking of course but thinking nevertheless.
It seems simple though. The direction is unclear but the lost road is recognised. There were things for me that stood above all. Basics to be live by, which seem too far gone.
- Not a bad thing to say no matter the circumstances.
- To be my own.
- To put myself in the others spot every time.
One I have forgotten how to, another clinging on weekly and the third slowly losing the remains.
People say actions make principles but sometimes if you slip up on the things you believe in, there is no other thing that could make you feel worse. The more I have refused to work on them, thinking they were more fundamental to me than anything else, the more they faded. To see that I'm ready to distribute my resentment on multiple angles is in itself discouraging. Its proof that I have become vile enough to distribute blame for everything that's wrong. Empathy has disappeared, so has the warmth and to be in my own company seems the trickiest of all.
We will see, we will find the direction. Till then, another day in another year.
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